SIGNS YOUR PARTNER IS HAVING AN AFFAIR

Emotional affairs can be just as destructive to a relationship as physical cheating, and even murkier, making them difficult to resolve. 

However, there are some clear signs that something’s amiss -- and that your partner is forming an emotional bond with someone other than you. Here’s what to watch for.

1. SUDDEN SECRETIVENESS

If your partner is trying to hide something from you, you’re probably going to notice, especially if you live together. your partner might start taking their cell phone into the bathroom or will stop texting the moment when you walk into the room. A less obvious sign is when your partner takes steps toward privacy that weren’t in place before. When you log onto a shared computer or happen to use their phone, “you might notice all of the history has been deleted, Or you used to know their passwords, but now they’ve inexplicably been changed, leaving you wondering why.”

2. NEW INTEREST IN TECHNOLOGY

On a related note, your partner’s overall use of their smartphone may suddenly increase. Perhaps they were never really into social media or only checked their feeds every so often. Once an emotional affair is in place, however, these digital platforms may be the primary way they communicates with the person they become involved with, since they make the relationship easier to hide. “Social-media sites are perfect havens for emotional cheaters,” says Rodman. 

3. MENTIONING THE OTHER PERSON REPEATEDLY

“When someone gets emotionally involved with another person, those feelings have a tendency to spill out into the other realms of life,” Rodman says. So you may find your partner continually quoting the person they are having an affair with or inserting that person’s name into conversation. For instance, you might mention wanting to go to the farmers market this weekend and your partner responds by telling you about that questionable “friend’s” opinion about why organic food isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Another related sign to look for, according to cognitive behavioral therapist Alex Hedger is if your partner seems to be extremely aware of more personal details about another person than you think is reasonable.

4. DISCONNECTING FROM YOU

When your partner is getting attention and emotional reinforcement from someone else, they may start detaching from you, Hedger says. Your partner might stop discussing problems or bad days with you, but “they won’t show any outward signs of stress,” he explains. “This is due to the partner still getting their needs met outside of the relationship.”

5. BECOMING CRITICAL OF YOU

In addition to pulling away emotionally or physically, your partner might also put you down. One reason, according to marriage counselor and infidelity specialist Lisa Ryan, is also due to your partner comparing you to the fantasy of the other person. However, they may also start putting you down out of guilt. On a related note, your partner may lash out at you if you happen to criticize the object of their affection. One of the more common signs is if they gets extremely defensive if anything even slightly negative is said about the person they may be having an emotional affair with, according to Michelle 

6. FAILING THE GUT CHECK

Other signs might be your partner changing the way they dress, suddenly becoming more lighthearted or behaving immaturely in a way that is out of character, Ryan says. However, “emotional cheating needn’t disrupt daily routine in order for it to be going on,” Rodman warns. “Your gut is a pretty good indicator when something’s not right in your relationship. Don’t ignore it.” You might consider confronting your partner, by saying something like, “I don’t feel as close to you lately, and it’s starting to scare me.” It may initiate a difficult conversation that can help you get you some clarity.

7. ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

You may be confused about whether you’re getting too close to someone outside of your relationship. “The first sign is what you’re sharing with him or her. If this person knows more about what’s going on in your life than your partner does, you’ve already entered dangerous territory,” says Anita A. Chlipala “Second, if you’re hiding interactions with this person from your partner, it’s probably no longer just a friendship.” Also beware of your friend’s words or actions that border on overly intimate or inappropriate. Without firmly letting this person know he or she has stepped over the line, it may seem like you’re condoning and even encouraging the behavior. The bottom line? Try to practice empathy and look at the situation through your partner’s eyes. If you don’t want your mate to see or hear your interactions, then you are probably violating the trust in the relationship.